Brian and I have two babies in Heaven, I call them my Angel Babies. I don't know why the Lord allows certain pain in our lives. I don't know why the Lord would take our babies home before we even get to meet them, I don't know why I would have to spend my summer enduring the pains of morning sickness only to make it to the end of the first trimester and say goodbye to my baby. I don't always know how God is at work in certain situations but I do know why I can trust Him. Os Guinness writes,
"Suffering is the most acute trial that faith can face, and the questions it raises are the sharpest, the most insistent, and the most damaging that faith will meet. Can faith bear the pain and still trust God, suspending judgment and resting in the knowledge that God is there, God is good, and God knows best? Or will the pain be so great that only meaning will make it endurable so that reason must be pressed further and further and judgements must be made? To suffer is one thing, to suffer without meaning is another...If we do not know why we trust God in the beginning, then we will always need to know exactly what God is doing in order to trust him..When we see Jesus on the cross we can come to trust God with an unutterable trust that never for a moment considers he will not stand by us in our sufferings."
I do know these babies little lives were not pointless and just some sad accident but they had a purpose. This side of heaven I may not understand the entire story, but I do know that their lives have left an imprint on my heart that has forever changed me. They have drawn me closer to Jesus as I learn to press into Him. They have helped me not take life for granted and helped me see that life is so very fragile and a gift from God.
I know that suffering is part of life. We each suffer in this life to some degree. I don't mean to downplay tragic events that happen to us, but I've read enough of Paul’s life to realize I have it easy and am blessed beyond belief! I pray the Lord's will be done in my life through the joys and trials. I look at my two babes on this earth that God has given us and my heart overflows with thankfulness. These children are not my own, they belong to God and He has numbered their days as well as mine. I cannot imagine going through life in this fallen world and not have the HOPE and PEACE that comes from knowing Jesus. There is far more to life than what we see. "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal!" (2Cor.4:18)
My friend loaned me this book, Be Still My Soul. It's a compilation of 25 readings written by different authors such as, Tim Keller, R.C. Sproul, John Newton, Calvin, Philip Yancey....on the problem of pain. Edited by Nancy Guthrie. It's been such an encouragement to me!